When the Festive Season Doesn't Feel Festive: Navigating Christmas Without the Jolliness

The fairy lights are twinkling, the adverts are gleaming with perfect families gathered around pristine tables, and everywhere you look, there's an insistent message: this is the most wonderful time of the year.

But what if it doesn't feel wonderful for you?

Perhaps you're grieving. Perhaps you're struggling financially. Perhaps you're navigating family dynamics that feel more draining than delightful. Perhaps you're dealing with depression, anxiety, or simply feeling overwhelmed by the relentless cheerfulness that seems mandatory in December.

If Christmas feels more like an endurance test than a celebration, you're not alone—and there's nothing wrong with you.

The Pressure to Perform Joy

One of the most exhausting aspects of the festive season can be the expectation that we should all feel a particular way. Social media fills with carefully curated moments of joy. Conversations at work revolve around exciting plans. Even well-meaning friends asking "are you ready for Christmas?" can feel loaded when the honest answer is "not remotely."

This pressure to perform happiness can create a second layer of difficulty: not only are we struggling, but we're struggling with the fact that we're struggling. We might feel guilty, broken, or like we're somehow failing at something everyone else seems to manage effortlessly.

The truth is, many people find this time of year difficult for countless valid reasons. Your feelings—whatever they are—deserve acknowledgment and space.

Permission to Do Things Differently

There's no rule that says you must celebrate Christmas in any particular way. The traditions that work for some families or individuals might not work for you, and that's completely okay.

You might:

• Skip certain events or traditions that feel overwhelming

• Create entirely new rituals that feel more authentic to you

• Spend the day quietly rather than in a crowd

• Celebrate on a different day when you have more energy

• Opt out of gift-giving or suggest alternatives that feel less stressful

Giving yourself permission to do what actually supports your wellbeing, rather than what you think you should do, can be liberating.

Practical Strategies for Getting Through

Set realistic expectations. The perfect Christmas exists primarily in films and advertisements. Real life is messier, and that's fine. Decide what truly matters to you and let go of the rest.

Protect your energy. It's okay to say no to invitations, to leave gatherings early, or to take breaks during family time. Your wellbeing matters more than meeting everyone else's expectations.

Plan for difficult moments. If you know certain times will be hard—perhaps because of who's missing, or because of triggering family dynamics—have a plan. This might mean arranging a phone call with a supportive friend, planning a walk, or giving yourself permission to step away when needed.

Limit consumption. Whether it's social media, festive films, or even time in shops, reducing exposure to relentless cheerfulness can ease the pressure. You don't have to immerse yourself in Christmas culture if it's not helping.

Connect with understanding people. Seek out those who can hold space for your authentic feelings without trying to jolly you out of them. Sometimes just being able to say "I'm really struggling" to someone who responds with compassion rather than toxic positivity can make all the difference.

Be gentle with yourself. However you're feeling, it makes sense given your circumstances. You're doing the best you can with the resources you have right now.

When Grief is Present

For those navigating Christmas after loss, the season can feel particularly painful. Empty chairs at the table, traditions that now feel impossible, first Christmases without someone precious—these are profound experiences that deserve respect, not dismissal.

You don't need to "get through" Christmas with a brave face. You can acknowledge that it's hard. You can cry. You can talk about the person you've lost. You can change traditions or keep them exactly the same. There's no right way to grieve through the holidays.

A Different Kind of Kindness

Perhaps the most radical thing we can do this December is extend ourselves the same compassion we'd offer a dear friend who was struggling. We wouldn't tell them to cheer up or insist they attend every gathering. We'd listen, validate their feelings, and support them in doing what they needed.

You deserve that same kindness from yourself.

The Christmas season will pass. You will get through it, even if "getting through it" looks different from how others celebrate. And your worth, your value, your fundamental okay-ness—none of that depends on how jolly you feel in December.

If you're finding this time of year particularly difficult and would like support, Sea Change Therapies offers affordable counselling. Sometimes having a space to speak honestly about what we're experiencing, without judgment or pressure to feel differently, can provide the relief we need.

You don't have to jingle all the way. You just have to be kind to yourself as you find your own path through the season.